Grrrr

Well Im basically at the end of my fourth week of dieting and second week of exercising and you know what?  Those three pounds I was down, they are back.  So, I haven’t lost anything.  Not one pound.  At what point does it start to work?  At what point do I get to reap the rewards of my hard work?  It’s very frustrating.  I think I will keep an actual food journal for the next two weeks and if there is still no change I will go see the doctor.  Something has to give.

Night time cravings

Frustrated by my cravings and binging, I did some research on “Evening Cravings”.  The articles I read said that the biggest reason behind them most times is that people eat “fat free” all day and your body needs fat so at night it freaks out and says “GIMMIE FAT!”.  I don’t specifically eat “fat free” BUT the food I eat through the day does not contain much fat.  Typical day: Little bit of cereal with not much fat, 1% milk on it, salad with light balsamic vinaigrette dressing for lunch and an apple for afternoon snack.  While grocery shopping yesterday for my meals for the week, I made it a point to find ways to get some fat in throughout the day.  I also think that I need a morning snack to keep the metabolism up.

Tonight at the gym is weight machines and cardio warm up.  I only need about 10 minutes of warm up but Im going to try for 30 minutes.  I will keep you posted!

Night time is my enemy

I find myself eating a lot at night.  I do so well during the day and it just all goes to hell at night.  I don’t know what to do or how to control it.  I find myself staring into the refrigerator looking for something, anything, to eat.  What to do, what to do…

My heart rate monitor came in yesterday.  Im so very tempted to wear it around the office for the day to see how many calories I burn in an average day.  I think it would be good to know.  Well I have gone and put it on so we shall see how many calories I burn for the next hour and then I will average it for the day and report back.   

It was the first time in over a year

Last night was my first night of exercise in over a year and boy do I feel it.  But, not only are my muscles sore, my spirits are high.  It feels great to be working toward this goal, I no longer say “I want to lose 80 pounds”, I say “Im going to lose 80 pounds”.  I think my mindset is different this time around.  I truly feel that I can do it this time.  All the times before it was “I’d really like to lose weight” but I don’t think I really WANTED it.  As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words and I plan to make my actions scream this time around!

I felt like I runined everything

Tonight we had tacos for dinner. I stuffed myself and even ate sour cream. I felt so bad about it too, like I had just ruined all my hard work for the week. I know I can't beat myself up, didn’t I just blog about that? But I still feel bad. I don't quite feel like I "fell off the wagon", maybe just didn’t keep my arms and legs inside. Tomorrow will be better, I can feel it.

I have found myself some friends and my Mom to go to the gym with, so starting Tuesday, I will be a member of the gym again. I have a favorite one and I'm glad I was able to convince everyone to go there. Maybe that's selfish of me but I really can't see what makes the other gym better than my gym. The chosen one offers classes like Zumba and Pilates as part of your membership and the other does not. I have been thinking lately that I might like to try Pilates and I know I love Zumba. I asked Mom if she'd go to Zumba with us and her response was "Maybe once". Im sure she will enjoy it I haven't met anyone who doesn't.

I got on the scale tonight and I was down 3 pounds. I don't think it's worth a celebration but it's definitely worth feeling good about.

I've done the math

I want to lose 80 pounds.  Holy crap that’s a lot of weight!  That’s a teenager.  I have to find a way to get exercise in.  Now that I have a live in baby sitter I could go back to the gym at night.  I miss going it was such a rush to get my heart rate up and know I was doing something good for my body.  And Zumba was super fun.  Ok, next goal, gym membership!

Nothing has changed

I weighed myself last night and there is no change in my weight yet.  Im ok with that, its only the first week.  I forgot to take home the measuring tape so I didn’t get to get my measurements.  I will do it tonight.

I find myself wanting sweet stuff like crazy!  That's odd because I don't generally eat sweet stuff.  I have heard many times at Weight Watchers that if you are craving chocolate you should eat a pickle so I tried that last night.  I guess it worked.  I think once you get that psychological craving its there till you satisfy it and it’s a tough battle not to.  Luckily, we don’t have sweets in the house. 

Dinner was Hamburger Helper, not the best option I know, but I didn’t stuff myself and that’s what I typically do.  I read a blog post yesterday about easing into “clean eating” and it made total sense.  It took time to create these habits and it’s going to take time to break them as well.  I can’t beat myself up every time I make a mistake or fall off the wagon, all I can do it try to go for longer stretches between the slip ups.  To try and make the times off the wagon shorter. 

It's been a week

I did pretty well last week and  am off to a good start this week.  I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought salads, oranges, carrots and yogurt for this week.  Its only enough for four days so for one day I will have SubWay.  We always hear that preplanning is a big key to weight loss and I am a perfect example of that.  Left to my own devices, I will surely eat a bacon cheeseburger from Hardees even though I know I shouldn’t.  Those bacon cheeseburgers are why Im in this predicament. 

I’ve got to decide how often to weigh myself.  Im not a big believer in getting on the scale every day but, maybe weekly is a good goal.  I also need to take my measurements.  I will weigh and measure myself tonight and post.

It has set in

Well, I guess there is a bright side to my weight, I thought I had gained more than 11 pounds in the last year.  But the reality of that number is like a smack in the face.  So the journey shall begin again and this time, I will succeed.  I must, because I can't take this anymore.  

Well...

The verdict is in...240. Holy hell.

This is a test blog from my phone.

Wow! A whole year has passed...

And I don’t have much to show for it except more weight.  I seem to think that this time will be different.  But, seems I think that every time.  Maybe, just MAYBE, it will be different.  If I will it, it will be so right?  No, I know it doesn’t work that way.  I have to work, work hard to make it different.  To make ME different.  Im going to make a genuine effort to keep up on this blog.  I promise myself that I will visit every day, even if only to journal my food for the day.  Tonight I will weigh myself and see exactly how much I've gained and post.  I think that helps me to be accountable, when I can look at that number in black and white.  When the whole world can look at that number in black and white.  I know, I said that last time, but Im trying, I swear!