What's the dealie yo?

Seems all I want to do is eat and sleep. It's not very conducive to a weight loss plan. I've gained 5 pounds as a matter of fact. I do so well during the day but the evenings kill me! Today for example, breakfast was a 90 calorie cereal bar and a few nuts and cranberries. Weeelll lunch could have been better now that I think about it but let's continue. Lunch was a 10 piece mcnugget meal but I didn't eat it all, that makes it better right? Anyway no snacking or anything till tonight. Tonight I ate enough roast beef to count as at least one serving, a hamburger from mcdonalds, a roast beef and curly fries from hardees and way too many rice crispy treats. Here I sit feeling miserable. Miserable not only from eating too much but also because I'm angry with myself. I feel I've let myself down. I feel out of control. I feel lost. I don't know what to do to stop the cycle. To stop the binging.

MMMMM Red Burtio

So today was day one.  Riiiighht.  Well I could have done worse, but I certianly could have done a hell of a lot better.  I did attempt to throw out the 5th mini chimmi so that I wouldnt eat it.  It didnt work out the way I planned but I still didnt eat it.  We just finished dinner, steak and mac and cheese.  Yup no veggie.  BAD BAD BAD Rhiannon!  I want some Dean's French Onion Dip and my Utz rippled potato chips.  Doesnt that just sound devine?  I know it does.  But I wont have any.  I WONT!  I may have some Honey Bunches of Oats later though.  It's better than chips and dip right?

The day after

Well, I was supposed to start today but decided to wait.  My friends and I are doing a weigh loss challenge starting on Monday.  I think that's a good time.  Especially since I was late and grumpy and felt I "needed" McDonalds.  At least they were out of hash browns and saved me from those calories.  I just weighed myself and I am actually 229.  Not much better, but I don't want to make it appear as though I have lost more weight than I have by flubbing my starting weight. 

I think I have to get to the root of my food issues.  I have had problems with my thyroid and anxiety for years which never helped my eating habits.  I would have trouble stopping or feeling full.  I would obsess about food and the nearest place to get some.  I think years of those habits are my biggest problem now.  I need to break the cycle and figure out the proper time to eat.  The proper amount to eat.  Healthier food comes in there somewhere but for now, I think portion control is important.  It's all basic math, calories in calories out.  So for now I's watching those.  And in that making choices that hopefully lead me to foods with fewer calories.  My 700 calorie breakfast this morning is a perfect example of that.  If I was adamant about eating McDonalds, I could have chosen the egg McMuffin for like 300 calories instead of the two sausage burritos. 

Hopefully putting all of my dirty laundry out there for my friends and family, along with any one else who may stumble across my blog, to see will make me more accountable.

What is a FGT?

Some people know me and they know I love food.  I love Fat Girl Treats.  Anything tasty is a FGT.  I sometimes feel that they rule my life.  Im sitting here watching MTV's new show "I used to be fat".  The first episode is a girl who just graduated from High School and wants to lose 90 pounds in 111 days.  Are you kidding me?  6 pounds a week?!?  No way.  Or so I thought.  I am moved to tears by her journey.  Im watching her make changes and sacrifices that are amazing to me.  Changes I wish I had made for myself years ago.  Today, those changes start for me.  For now, the changes are in food.  With working two jobs, I don't know where I would fit in exercise.  I think I may give up Under/Comm in the mornings and then I can work out before I go to the City of Harrington.  It's not going to be easy.  Its not going to be pleasant.  It will be worth it.  Im so tired of being out of breath when I get to the top of the steps.  Im tired of clothes not fitting and having to buy bigger and bigger sizes.  Im tired of being uncomfortable.  Im tired of being tired.

So today, publicly, I say I weigh...235 pounds.  Shew.  I've typed it.  But it won't REALLY be public until I hit that little button at the bottom that says "Publish Post".  Then, the WORLD knows how much I weigh.  Maybe no one will read this, maybe no one will really know.  But, I know.  And really, thats enough.  Im the one I have to answer to.  Im the one who suffers every time I over eat.  Im the one who can't wear the clothes I'd like to.  Im the one who feels like crap.  Im the Fat Girl.